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Ed's Great Place for a Blog4月5日 The Seven Stages of BeardOh my goodness, I can't believe I haven't writen an entry in well over 6 months. This would tend to suggest I've been busy, or perhaps it suggests I haven't been arsed to write anything and in some respects that is correct but nevertheless here is (for those of you who read these things) my first blog entry in a fair while. This entry was inspired by a visit to the pub; but then when aren't they? Aha, maybe that's the reason I haven't writen in a while...it's because we come up with interesting things to write about but I then have a few too many pints and all of a sudden I've forgotten what I was meant to be doing. It wasn't until I looked at the photos on my phone and thought to myself "Ah, so that's what I was meant to be doing...!". Anyway, I digress; back to the point. We were sitting in the pub back in January when someone asked if anyone had told Ed (not me as I was already there) we were going to the pub. Anyway, after a lot of sole searching, and a couple more pint, the arduous decision was made to send him a text. Time passed and John turned round and said 'that bloke over there is wearing a coat that is very similar to Ed's' after which we ridiculed him for a bit saying why would anyone in there right mind what to wear a jacket that was similar to Ed. At this point the bloke walks over a says 'Alright lads?'. After a lot of double takes we all said 'Ahhh, it is Ed, come and join us'. He'd grown a beard over Christmas. What a sign of maturity! (Well almost). Then Ben anounced he'd shaved once and thought it was time to have another one sometime in the near future. Hence this article on the seven stages of beard! Stage 1. This is Ben. Although 24 we believe he has only ever had a shave once before so when he anounced he thought another shave would be appropriate in a few days time we needed a bit of evidence of the 'stubble' he claimed to have on his chin. So of course, I took a photo. After a lot of searching and photo enhancement I did find something on the underside of Ben's chin. So that all can see this feature I have zoomed in but personally I think it could be either a hair or perhaps even a piece of dust or dirt on my camera. Will Ben always be balder than a hairness mole? The jury's still out on that one! Stage 2. To show Ed's maturity, or perhaps just to reaffirm to himself that he's the oldest among us or maybe because he just could (what a rebel) Ed grew a beard over Christmas. This facial feature lasted all of a couple of months until a freak shaving incident meant that the beard had to go. It has not returned. (It should be noted that I'm not going to grow a beard because I can't...I'm sooo young) Stage 3. Stage 3 of the seven stages belongs to Brian Blessed, well really it's just any excuse to be Brian into a blog entry. I wonder what happens when someone who has had a beard for a long time shaves it off. Do you suppose they have a very pain chin? I sure do.
Stage 4. Although all are fictional characters (Sorry kids, Dumbledore nor Hogwarts are really. Harry Potter is though. He works in Tesco) these three make it into stage 4 of beard. It's very likely that folk here in were all born with facial hair; their poor mothers. Stage 5. The entry at stage 5 belongs to Leo Tolstoy. What a facial bush he has. Perhaps shaving was banned in Russia when he was around, but then again it gets so cold there that any kind of insulation is possibly needed... Stage 6. Jack Passion makes it to stage 6. He's a world champion in beard growing don't you know. This is a classic photo of this bearded one Stage 7. Now you may be thinking that Cousin Itt's hair was all from his head and was not a beard, but then who's to say he didn't have a beard as well?! But then, perhaps this photo is of John Lennon in his pre Beatles days before he met Paul McCartney who told him to loose the beard as it didn't give the band a good image. All evidence of this being Paul has been burnt...apparently. And there you have it. The Seven Stages of Beard. Keep on blogging. 9月16日 MultitaskingWho says blokes can't multitask? Everyone always says (Well most people sometimes say...how about a few people occasionally say and even then it's likely they have the XX chromosome) it's women that can multitask, but I'd like to dispute this since I don't think you can really class drinking tea and having a good old natter as multitasking.
Last Saturday was a massive day of sport on TV and radio and so just so we didn't miss any of the action we thought it would be a good idea to watch and listen to all sports on any media we could get our hands on. On the big screen was the rugby: England vs USA, on the small screen the football: England vs Israel and on the radio, the cricket: England vs India. England won all the matches, just! What a sporting occasion, what multitasking skills us blokes have! Oh and we were drinking beer as well.
In the picture the cushions were necessary to achieve maximum digital radio reception... After the cricket finished we thought we'd listen to the BBC rugby commentary, but sadly the digital TV pictures lag the radio braodcast by about a second, so we'd hear what was going on before we saw it. Anyway, at least England won all three matches! Keep on blogging 8月29日 Dangerous Chemical AlertWith the rising threat to the World from climate change due to, apparently (and I'm not too convinced here) Carbon dioxide I thought it was about time I drew your attention to a huge global killer that has gone unnoticed by all the world's governments as no laws or legislation has been passed, nor warning made about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide. So covert is this chemical that I doubt many if any of you have heard about it's deadly effects. Here is an extract I found about it on the internet.
If you'd like to know more about dihydrogen monoxide you can read more about it here and here or you can read about DHMO on the DHMO website This is a very serious issue that has to be addressed. Next week, the amazing spagetti tree Keep on blogging 8月8日 Children, you may go when the Lollipop man says you can...Well what can I really say about last weekend's Hungarian Grand Prix that hasn't already been said? It's true to say that the stewarts made the race absolutely farcicle, but then it wasn't exactly helped by the tit-for-tat spats between the double World Champion Alonso, and the Rookie (possibly the greatest Rookie in history) Hamilton. But hey, it's all about winning in the end, so if you can get an edge, an advantage or anything anything over your rivals then you've got to be onto a winner, right? Wrong! It's obviously fine to get your advantage if no-one sees what you're doing, but not if you try to blatantly inpede someone which brings the sport into disrepute.
So, word of advice, which I'm sure Mr Dennis will have told you. Hamilton: Behave. Alonso: Go when the lollipop man says you can go. Now that's all out of the way, I think it's time for another installment of the Six of the Best...Especially as I haven't exactly been paying too much attention to my blog in recent months. Perhaps it's got something to do with liking the instant gratification of someone leaving a message, commenting about something? But hey, it really doesn't matter now, I'm all over that and so will be using my blog for other amusing purposes over the coming months. So, as I once said to myself 'Keep your eyes peeled on this one'! Any suggestions for a Six of the Best would be greatly appreciated. I was going to do Six of the best sporting feuds in history, but I think that would be a little obvious so I won't be doing that one :) So when I think of something amusing I'll do it, but I've really got to go a rummaging for my funny cap cos I think I've lost it, but then it might be in the wash... Keep on blogging 3月21日 And then there was the filmFirst there was the pictures of Ed in "interesting" places then there were the look-a-likes, and now, coming to a cinema near you very soon: A film that claims to be the next best thing since sliced bread that will confuse and conjure up utter bafflement and confusion. A film so weird a gang of screaming monkeys said that a synopsis could not be written. That's right, Hollywood have gone stark-raving bonkers and produced a film about a bloke who sits in an office and pretends to do work*. Yes, it's - Ed, The Film.
Critics claim it's almost as strange and hard to understand in some areas as Vanilla Sky, but I frankly find that very hard to believe!
![]() Jonathan Ross (Film 2007)** - This is the greatest film in existence today - a must see for all the family.
Now this one took me an absolute age to get right, but hey, it's up at last. And to be perfectly honest, I think it looks really quite good. Any suggestions for another film based picture would be greatly appreciated, otherwise I'll have to get my thinking cap out and to be frank, at the moment it's looking a little scruffy around the edges. Me thinks I may have to invest in a new one! Come next:- Ed, The Film II - The Return, followed by, in your local theatre:- Ed, The Musical. Everyone will want to sing along! Great fun and family entertainment. Keep on Blogging *Ed does lots of work in the office, and doesn't ever pretend not to do work! ** As this film does not really exist, Jonathan Ross has not endorsed this peice of imagination in anyway, in fact it is very unlikely he'll ever see it ever. 10月20日 When Harry met EdwardI was walking down the road one day in the very merry month of...October when on the other side of the road I saw Harry of Third Rock from the Sun fame. I was a little disappointed to note he wasn't walking with John Lithgow (he was the baddy in Cliffhanger you know) the commander of the crazed alien family living on Earth, but this didn't phase me. I mean it's not really that often I see many famous people walking down the same road as me, let alone me being allowed to walk down the road without some guy chasing after me with a nice white jacket shouting 'he's escaped again Len, lets hunt him down'... I don't remember too much after that, other than then waking up to find myself in a room with very nice padding on the walls. 'Hmmm, nice decor' I say and then go back to sleep.
Anyway, having shouted 'Coowee' across the road at him, he stopped startled and then started running. A brief chase ensued and I eventually caught up with him. I think he was out of breath, but he may have fallen over Mrs Goggins small dog, who knows. 'Drat, drat and double drats' he said to himself (apparently) and after a brief conversation I persuaded him to have his photo taken with me. As soon as Mrs Goggins (very useful lady to have around when you're telling these story) had closed the shutter of the camera Harry ran off never to be seen again. I think he may be cowering in a corner somewhere...
So here is the picture. I think he looks quite happy in the photo, don't you think? Very pleased to meet me!
Keep on blogging. (Ed is in no way mad/crazy or ever has been or will be. However this event did not ever happen) 9月24日 Guide to Beer FestsOK, so this wasn't the Munich Oktober Fest, but then it was never really meant to be. This Fest was done on a British scale and in the local town hall. So, what was all the fuss about I hear you cry? This was the annual CAMRA beer festival, supposedly for people who like their real ales I for one appreciate all kinds of beer whether it be lager or ale etc, but now, and it seems they've been doing this for several years now, they also have cider on display. Cider!? Cider? At a beer festival? There has got to be something wrong there. OK, so I can see why they would have European lagers on sale because that is beer, and some people, crazily don't like ales. But cider!? Perhaps I'm missing the point here, but I don't think I have. Surely the campaign for real ale should be marketing ales rather than them and cider. Still, I suppose it brings more punters in and if they want to raise more money then this would be one way to diversify.
The fest I went to six months ago was on a lot smaller scale. I think there were about 30 beers on display for us to sample, which in all fairness is a reasonable amount as in a small group of people, you can quite happily have 6 halves (they sell the beer in halves at these events so you don't have to drink too much of something you don't like, unless of course you bring your own pint glass, or are a member of Camra) wihtout overlapping the beers you have drank. This fest I went to on Friday night on the other hand was over three times the size of the other one with over 100 beers (and ciders) on display. But where do you start which such an array of alcohol abound? This is a tricky one, and it'll take several more trips to beer fests to be able to give a more definative answer to this question. I for one wasn't really sticking to any form of strategy, but just thinking to myself 'Ooooh, over there looks nice. Lets go and see what they have' and off I toggle. This method works well, but you have to be careful you're moving over to an area solely for the beer and not another reason...I'll leave you to think of other reasons. In all seriousness I think a strategy has to be developed so that you can sample beers from several different breweries.
I'm sure there are lots more strategies that would work just as well as these few I have stated here, but you have to beware about going to the fest over a course of a few days, and not only for your health and the unlikelihood of you being able to get up in the morning to go to work. Sadly I have found that the beers aren't kept in a very good condition at these events so the later you leave it the worse they taste and also the less choice there is. I found this on Friday evening; the beer tasted grim and I wasn't following one of the above genius strategies I didn't find a beer I liked...at all. I leave you with pictures of that evening. A view from the balcony above the main hall. You can see a band on the stage and they had ferried in their groupies so there were lots of screaming women floating about, which is good cos it means you tend not to notice the fat bearded tee shirt wearing men at these events any more! (I really don't know who's the head is) Keep on blogging and drink sensibly.
8月5日 Blunt ParodyIt's been a while now, and I've just relised I've almost had a blog for a whole year. But, sadly, I've been ignoring my blogging duties. So it's not time to start to reverse this trend and get my arse into gear and write more than one blog entry a month. A pretty poor performance if I do say so myself.
Anyway, I was searching through my PC earlier and I came across this beauty I must have written at the end of last year. As the title suggests it's a parody of James Blunt's Your Beautiful.
So without further a do, here it is...sadly I haven't got a final line to this one, so if you have a line that would fit then tell me and it'll be fully appreciated.
Ah, it's good to be back.
Keep on blogging! 6月21日 Greatest Eyebrows in History - The amendmentI can't believe I let this one slip me by when first creating the list of the Greatest Eyebrows in History; this pair is a pair of absolute beauts, certainly not to be sniffed at in any way, shape or form. In fact, you could say I was quite jealous of this fair pair of bushes. This pair could certainly give Nigel's pair of hairy caterpillars a run for their money, but alas, as the list has already been created this cannot be used as an entry...I know, sad but true; to let these beauts pass by is a bit like letting any moment pass you by, it just shouldn't be done. So, who is this you are making an honorary member in the list of the Greatest Eyebrows in History I hear you cry. Well, it's Charlie from Busted (he's got another group now, but no-one really cares anyway least of all me). Enjoy this great pair!
5月30日 10Has this guy gone completely mad now? He placed 24 up on his blog 40 days ago and now its 10, he must be absolutely bonkers. To be frank, yes you’re right, but then what can 10 possibly mean to me on today of all days? Perhaps I had my feet measured the other day and for the first time they came out as being size 10 – Nah, that’s not true, I’ve been a size 10 shoe for a while now so it’ not that! Perhaps it’s your mental age’s birthday, you’ve finally progressed into double figures in your head – well I’m afraid you’re wrong on that account as well, as I’m a perpetual 8, always have been and always will be. So what can this 10 mean? Well ok, I’ll give you a clue; it is a number of years. So what could have occurred on this non descript Thursday back in 1996? Not the start of Euro 96, that wasn’t for another few days, not even at the start of the week, so what could it all be about. Well, if you know me, you’ll know, and if you don’t then I’m not about to tell you. Now, aren’t I mean for writing all this and then now saying.
Anyway, congratulations Ed for making it to 10, here’s a big 10 for you! (This blog entry was written for Ed by Ed. Contributions to this entry were supplied by Ed. Any donations you want to give Ed should be made out to Ed. This entry can be read by Ed and anyone else for that matter. No gown wearing was required for the writing of this blog!)
Keep on blogging! 4月24日 Off to find funny road namesYesterday Helen and I went for a bit of a cycle; off to the dizzy heights that is Shepshed. Woohoo I hear you cry, no really, woohoo!
Entering Shepshed we came across this road name and I thought it would be a good idea to take a picture of it. Why? Because it's immature and puerile, that's why!
Yep, that's right: Butthole Lane is on the Pubic Byway. Oooooh, I just couldn't resist taking this photo and especially as some joker had taken the time and effort to remove the 'l' from public! And just in case you thought I might have been making up the whole story about finding a road called Butthole Lane I thought it was appropriate to take the same photo, but this time with me in it...just so then you know I'm not lying about this one!
Ahhh, me in full gown and cap. You don't half get hot and sweaty cycling around in this gear! Keep on blogging. 4月21日 It was my birthday4月15日 Lonsdale SpottingNow this is a great new game I was introduced to a couple of weeks ago. This game is to be played whilst walking around a town near you to alleviate the boredom that is shopping. It’s called Lonsdale spotting! The rules are simple (suitable for two or more players):
It’s a game most suitable for a town rife with chavs and chavettes.
The thrill and exhilaration you get when you see your first chav is something else, but when you’re walking around Burton on Trent for a couple of hours you quickly realise that this can be a slightly tedious game. This is of course true unless you’re competitive like me and my sister. In total we managed over a course of 2 hours to spot and grand total of 30 Lonsdale wearer. And of course I won the game out right by 18 points to 12! Brilliant!
Try it whilst you’re walking round your home town, you’ll be surprised how enjoyable this game is. Just beware not to point at these people for too long otherwise they have a tendency to notice and you could get a few odd looks yourself, or maybe worse...you have been warned!
Keep on blogging. 3月23日 MicrobloggismsI was reading around my blog the other day and came across the 31 ways to use your blog. You know, the one with the starting line: Not sure what to blog about? You can blog about anything that interests you. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Yay finished! Keep on blogging!
3月20日 Everest ExcursionWow, I really haven't updated in a while, but not to worry my intrepid followers; I have been busy. I went on a little excursion for a month and a bit; to Everest indeed, but I'm back now so no need to worry! Sadly I forgot to take my camara with me, it had something to do with the extra weight would slow me down... so this is the best shot I have. It was taken by one of the Sherpas none the less. At least it was a nice day when I got up top! There were these guys doing a bit of scientific research when I got there so I didn't stay too long, after all it was a tad nippy in my cap and gown.
Where to next? Who knows, I sure don't!
Keep on blogging. 2月12日 Snickers PieNow this one is for all you slimmers out there, or people with salubrious tendencies: yes it’s Snickers Pie!
This gluttonous extravaganza was recently in the news as possibly being the unhealthiest puddings of all time. This of course intrigued me as I wondered what all the fuss and bother was about.
Searching through the bbc website I found the article relating to Snickers Pie only to find that it was made by Wozza on The Saturday Kitchen about two years ago. So, if this pie was shown on the TV about two years ago why has it taken the food commission two years to tell us all how bad it is? Maybe it’s because the commission were running a study on the other infamous pudding: Death by Chocolate at the same time, and taking its name a little too lightly as they weren’t envisaging a pudding that could, in effect, kill you, let alone two puddings that could kill a man in a few mouthfuls. Makes you wonder, doesn’t it! Perhaps it’s taken all this time for the original guys who were doing the study to recover from the massive heart attacks they suffered when just eating too much pie.
At 1250 calories per slice – equivalent to 22 teaspoons of fat and 11 teaspoons of sugar per serving - it’s not really for the fainted hearted, or for that matter, after eating a slice, for anyone with a heart!
I for one have never had Snickers Pie, this probably has something to do with me knowing that peanut and chocolate don’t really go very well together, but I was intrigued to know what the ingredients were in this pie. Following through this article I read:
“…The recipe had also been on the BBC Food website, though the link to the page does not currently work.”
“Bugger” I thought, “I’ll never be able to find out what’s in this recipe…oooh, hmmm, ahhh, wait a minute, wait a cotton picking minute...” (I really don’t know why I think in cotton picking minutes, or for that matter what cotton picking minutes are, but the thought process continued) “...search for it on Google!” So that is what I did… Snickers Pie* Serves 4. Preparation time less than 30 minutes. Cooking time 30 minutes to one hour. Ingredients 1 packet puff pastry Method · Preheat oven to 200C/400/Gas 6 · Roll pastry to 3-4mm thick and use to line a 20cm/8in fluted tart tin · Beat the mascarpone, soft cheese and sugar together in a large bowl, until smooth · Beat in eggs, one at a time. · Add the Snickers bars and fold in · Pour into lined tart tin, and spread to the edges · Place in the oven for 10 minutes, then lower to 180C/350/Gas 4 for a further 25 minutes until golden and set. · Allow to cool before serving. The Daily Mail has got some uses after all..! (I found the recipe from there!)
“Obviously this goes straight on the hips and is not for regular use” - Antony Worrall Thompson
* Ed can accept no responisibility from you gorging yourself silly on Snickers Pie. Use recipe at your own risk!
Keep on blogging (if you've not eaten too much pie!) 1月30日 A Living Tribute to Andy CraneHave you ever woken up in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat, wondering what ever happened to the children’s BBC presenter that is Andy Crane? No? Either have I, but I’d thought I’d ask!
Those of you from the North West will of course know what Andy is currently up to, that is provided you listen to Century FM from between 10pm until 1am. For those of you who don’t know, he’s working as a presenter on a show called Love Lines, a show dedicated to relationship dilemmas.
So a guy that used to talk to a puppet duck with a squeak for a voice (of course that would be Edd the Duck!) is now presenting a radio phone in discussing other people’s relationship problems, interesting to say the least!
You could say I’ve found the owner of the missing brain as shown in my previous bloggings.
How many people out there remember a pop group called Tribes of Toff? Please don’t shout all at once, ok the silence is deafening. They sang the song: John Kettley is a Weatherman back in 1988 which reached number 21 in the chart. The catchy little song included the memorable lines:
"John Kettley is a weatherman A weatherman, a weatherman John Kettley is a weatherman And so is Michael Fish..."
And also had the legendary line:
"Andy Crane has got no brain."
They released the song on the week that Andy was going to present Top of The Pops
Back in 1988, at the tender age of six I seem to remember how true those lyrics were and since I thought about doing this tribute I’ve done a Google search and I found an interview done between the website On the telly and Andy Crane. In the interview Andy says:
“…It's a great song [John Kettley is a Weatherman], and every word of it is true…”
And I have to agree with the guy.
So now you know what happened to Andy Crane, I leave you with some pictures of Andy in his early children’s TV age. I think you’ll agree with me that one of then is a splitting image of the boys from Bros.
Oh and before I forget, visit Andy's homepage. It's currently being developed, but it should be good when it's done.
What a mullet! src="http://i167.photobucket.com/albums/u156/EdwardPutman/AndyCrane1.jpg"
Andy auditions to be a bros brother.
Keep on blogging. 1月25日 Do you know?There are some things we know we know, there are some things we think we know we know and there are some things we know we don't know.
But also, there are things we don't know we know, things we don't think we know we know, things we know but don't want to know and things we don't know we don't know. Deep.
Manuel: he knew nothing, he was from Barcelona.
George W: What does he know?
A missing brain...who's is it? Keep on blogging. Farewell...Yesterday was my Grampa's funeral.
There were about 200 people at the church service for you. Quite some turn out and all of us were there for you too.
You even got yourself an obituary in Motorsport news as well. Matt says he'll keep the article for me so I can read it.
Geoffery William George Ward
27th March 1923 - 12th January 2006 1月20日 Are you a child of the 90s?I seem to have completely lost my trail of thought and blogginess recently. I don't know what it is. Perhaps it's got something to do with me beginning to run out of ideas and so now I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel. This would explain the grazes I have on my face. Heaven's forbid! I may have to start talking about what I've been doing...and I can't be having that!
So anyway, I received an email from Laura the other day and so I'm going to subject you all to it...and for an additional bonus I'm going to throw in a bit of running commentary as well...
Enjoy.
What is love Oh baby, don't hurt me Don't hurt me no more Oh, baby don't hurt me Don't hurt me no more…”
Pictures to follow...
Keep on blogging. 1月14日 Can you do the Pingu dance?As I sit here trying to work out what the hell I’m meant to be doing I’d thought I’d write I blog entry I said I’d write a while ago.
Now, I do like tedious if not slightly tenuous links between things. I’m the kind of guy who tries to play six degrees of separation – with varying degrees of success may I add. So, for today’s tedious link it’s between two of my articles, Edvert II and A Living Tribute to the Hoffmeiser. Thing is this link is so easy I can make the link between them directly – So here it is:
Easy eh? and fantastic and not any leather clad undies in sight.
So as the Hoff files for divorce from his second wife we can all sit back and marvel in this lyrical masterpiece.
And as I’m so nice I’ll even post the lyrics up here as well. So clean off those vocal cords, press play (on media player) and start singing! Do, ray, me, far, so, la, tee, urgh?
Dave you’ve out done yourself again.
Coming up: A tribute to Andy Crane – you’ve got to see it to believe it! 1月7日 The Vodka ScooterI got this through on the old t'intermail the other day. I've seen the same style of article many times before and it made me smile so I thought I'd share it with you lot...
The Vodka Scooter...
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night drinking and thought, "How on earth did I get home?"
Not original, but who cares? - I like it and I don't even like Vodka!
Keep on blogging. 1月3日 I can see...I can see all obstacles in my way...
Well, actually that's not quite true at the moment. The prescription was so different that my eyes have to adjust to my new glasses. They changed from -1.50 in both eyes to -2.75 and -3.00. Great, so being as blind as a mole is a possibility.
Keep on blogging.
Me in a few years? No, not a blind hamster! 1月1日 A New Year, A New AdventureA Merry New Year to one and all who come across my blog. I of course cannot possibly speculate about something so young, but no doubt it'll be fantastic! A new adventure? No, I'm lying. I can't possibly think of a new theme for my blog in such a short space of time. It would take Think Tanks, Focus Groups, Government Advisory Boards and thankfully I don't have access to any of these facilities; it's just me, on my computer with several crazy ideas and a bit of time... I'm sure your familiar with the workings of Andy Warhol he was a famous arty type from he 20th century and did lots of print work such as Marilyn Monroe and Che Guevara. So, I thought "Hmmm, I could do one of those" and so I have...
![]() Personally I think my prints are a lot more vibrant than that of Warhol's, possibly because I couldn't be arsed getting my potatoes out to do my prints so instead opted for the frankly better Photoshop way. Don't you think it's really captured the mood of society today? "What the feck?" you're possibly thinking at the moment, and you'd be right! What the feck are art critics talking about? You get your art brushes out and create a masterpiece! Today my blog...tomorrow Tate Modern? I think not - but they did let Tracy Emin in...Now don't get me started!
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