Oh my goodness, I can't believe I haven't writen an entry in well over 6 months.  This would tend to suggest I've been busy, or perhaps it suggests I haven't been arsed to write anything and in some respects that is correct but nevertheless here is (for those of you who read these things) my first blog entry in a fair while.

This entry was inspired by a visit to the pub; but then when aren't they?  Aha, maybe that's the reason I haven't writen in a while...it's because we come up with interesting things to write about but I then have a few too many pints and all of a sudden I've forgotten what I was meant to be doing.  It wasn't until I looked at the photos on my phone and thought to myself "Ah, so that's what I was meant to be doing...!".  Anyway, I digress; back to the point.  We were sitting in the pub back in January when someone asked if anyone had told Ed (not me as I was already there) we were going to the pub.  Anyway, after a lot of sole searching, and a couple more pint, the arduous decision was made to send him a text.  Time passed and John turned round and said 'that bloke over there is wearing a coat that is very similar to Ed's' after which we ridiculed him for a bit saying why would anyone in there right mind what to wear a jacket that was similar to Ed.  At this point the bloke walks over a says 'Alright lads?'.  After a lot of double takes we all said 'Ahhh, it is Ed, come and join us'.  He'd grown a beard over Christmas.  What a sign of maturity! (Well almost).  Then Ben anounced he'd shaved once and thought it was time to have another one sometime in the near future.  Hence this article on the seven stages of beard! 

Stage 1.

This is Ben.  Although 24 we believe he has only ever had a shave once before so when he anounced he thought another shave would be appropriate in a few days time we needed a bit of evidence of the 'stubble' he claimed to have on his chin.  So of course, I took a photo.  After a lot of searching and photo enhancement I did find something on the underside of Ben's chin.  So that all can see this feature I have zoomed in but personally I think it could be either a hair or perhaps even a piece of dust or dirt on my camera.  Will Ben always be balder than a hairness mole?  The jury's still out on that one!

Stage 2.

To show Ed's maturity, or perhaps just to reaffirm to himself that he's the oldest among us or maybe because he just could (what a rebel) Ed grew a beard over Christmas.  This facial feature lasted all of a couple of months until a freak shaving incident meant that the beard had to go.  It has not returned.

(It should be noted that I'm not going to grow a beard because I can't...I'm sooo young)

Stage 3.

Stage 3 of the seven stages belongs to Brian Blessed, well really it's just any excuse to be Brian into a blog entry.  I wonder what happens when someone who has had a beard for a long time shaves it off.  Do you suppose they have a very pain chin?  I sure do.

Stage 4.

Although all are fictional characters (Sorry kids, Dumbledore nor Hogwarts are really.  Harry Potter is though.  He works in Tesco) these three make it into stage 4 of beard.  It's very likely that folk here in were all born with facial hair; their poor mothers.

Stage 5.

The entry at stage 5 belongs to Leo Tolstoy.  What a facial bush he has.  Perhaps shaving was banned in Russia when he was around, but then again it gets so cold there that any kind of insulation is possibly needed...

Stage 6.

Jack Passion makes it to stage 6.  He's a world champion in beard growing don't you know.  This is a classic photo of this bearded one

Stage 7.

Now you may be thinking that Cousin Itt's hair was all from his head and was not a beard, but then who's to say he didn't have a beard as well?!  But then, perhaps this photo is of John Lennon in his pre Beatles days before he met Paul McCartney who told him to loose the beard as it didn't give the band a good image.  All evidence of this being Paul has been burnt...apparently.

And there you have it.  The Seven Stages of Beard.

Keep on blogging.

In the picture the cushions were necessary to achieve maximum digital radio reception...

After the cricket finished we thought we'd listen to the BBC rugby commentary, but sadly the digital TV pictures lag the radio braodcast by about a second, so we'd hear what was going on before we saw it.  Anyway, at least England won all three matches!

Keep on blogging

"Dihydrogen monoxide is a colourless, odourless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people every year.  Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there.  Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage.  Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.  For those who have become dependent, DMHO withdrawal means certain death.

 

Dihydrogen monoxide:

 

• is also known as hydroxyl acid, and is the major component of acid rain#
• contributes to the "Greenhouse effect"
• may cause severe burns
• contributes to the errosion of our landscape
• accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals
• may cause electrical failures and decrease effectiveness of car brakes
• has been found in excised tumours of terminal cancer patients

Comtimination is reaching epidemic proportions!

Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in the world today.  The polllution is global and the contaminant has even been found in the Antartic ice.  DHMO has caused millions of pounds of property damage throughout the world.

Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:

• as an industrial solvent and coolant
• in nuclear power plants
• in the production of styrofoam
• as a fire retardant
• in many forms of cruel animal research
• in the distribution of pesticides.  Even after washing, produce remains contaminated by this chemical
• as an additive in certain "junk foods" and other food products

Companies dump waste DHMO into rivers, seas and oceans, and nothing can be done to stop them because the practice is still legal.  The impact of wildlife is extreme, and we cannot afford to ignore it any longer!"

If you'd like to know more about dihydrogen monoxide you can read more about it here and here or you can read about DHMO on the DHMO website

This is a very serious issue that has to be addressed.

Next week, the amazing spagetti tree

Keep on blogging

Well what can I really say about last weekend's Hungarian Grand Prix that hasn't already been said?

It's true to say that the stewarts made the race absolutely farcicle, but then it wasn't exactly helped by the tit-for-tat spats between the double World Champion Alonso, and the Rookie (possibly the greatest Rookie in history) Hamilton.  But hey, it's all about winning in the end, so if you can get an edge, an advantage or anything anything over your rivals then you've got to be onto a winner, right?  Wrong!  It's obviously fine to get your advantage if no-one sees what you're doing, but not if you try to blatantly inpede someone which brings the sport into disrepute.

So, word of advice, which I'm sure Mr Dennis will have told you.  Hamilton: Behave.  Alonso: Go when the lollipop man says you can go.

Now that's all out of the way, I think it's time for another installment of the Six of the Best...Especially as I haven't exactly been paying too much attention to my blog in recent months.  Perhaps it's got something to do with liking the instant gratification of someone leaving a message, commenting about something?  But hey, it really doesn't matter now, I'm all over that and so will be using my blog for other amusing purposes over the coming months.  So, as I once said to myself 'Keep your eyes peeled on this one'!

Any suggestions for a Six of the Best would be greatly appreciated.  I was going to do Six of the best sporting feuds in history, but I think that would be a little obvious so I won't be doing that one :)  So when I think of something amusing I'll do it, but I've really got to go a rummaging for my funny cap cos I think I've lost it, but then it might be in the wash...

Keep on blogging

 

Jonathan Ross (Film 2007)** - This is the greatest film in existence today - a must see for all the family.

Now this one took me an absolute age to get right, but hey, it's up at last.  And to be perfectly honest, I think it looks really quite good.

Any suggestions for another film based picture would be greatly appreciated, otherwise I'll have to get my thinking cap out and to be frank, at the moment it's looking a little scruffy around the edges.  Me thinks I may have to invest in a new one!

Come next:- Ed, The Film II - The Return, followed by, in your local theatre:- Ed, The Musical.  Everyone will want to sing along!

Great fun and family entertainment.

Keep on Blogging 

*Ed does lots of work in the office, and doesn't ever pretend not to do work!

** As this film does not really exist, Jonathan Ross has not endorsed this peice of imagination in anyway, in fact it is very unlikely he'll ever see it ever.

Keep on blogging.  (Ed is in no way mad/crazy or ever has been or will be.  However this event did not ever happen)

• Start on the right hand side of the hall and choose one (or more, but I have to promote sensible drinking here) beer from each stand, when you have reached the end, work your way down the left hand side and of course not forgetting to visit any other areas that many not be either on the left or right.
• Have a quick browse of the programme and choose the beers you want to drink during the evening...and stick to it.
• Browse the programme once more but this time put the beers in alphabetical order and drink all the 'A' beers first and so on, you could do this with a friend who starts at 'Z' and works backwards and race them to 'M'.  This could be easily adapted for breweries as well.
• Go to the fest over a course of a few days to see how many beers you can sample.
• Devise your own strategy.

I'm sure there are lots more strategies that would work just as well as these few I have stated here, but you have to beware about going to the fest over a course of a few days, and not only for your health and the unlikelihood of you being able to get up in the morning to go to work.  Sadly I have found that the beers aren't kept in a very good condition at these events so the later you leave it the worse they taste and also the less choice there is.  I found this on Friday evening; the beer tasted grim and I wasn't following one of the above genius strategies I didn't find a beer I liked...at all.

I leave you with pictures of that evening.  A view from the balcony above the main hall.  You can see a band on the stage and they had ferried in their groupies so there were lots of screaming women floating about, which is good cos it means you tend not to notice the fat bearded tee shirt wearing men at these events any more!

(I really don't know who's the head is)

Keep on blogging and drink sensibly.

This song is pointless,

This tune is poor,

It was one about a bad day,

Of that I’m sure,

Oh no, that was done by Powter,

The guy with a beanie on his head,

But I won't lose no sleep on that,

'Cause we want to beat him til he’s dead.

 

You’re useless, I’m useless.

It’s useless, it’s true.

I may have a high squeaky voice,

And I don't know what to do,

Doctors say “surgery will never work for you”.

 

I poked my finger into my eye,     

As I walked on by.

People could see from my face that I was,

F**king stupid,

And I don't think that I'll be able to see properly again,

But at least I fought with Powter to the bitter end.

 

You’re useless. I’m useless.

It’s useless, it's true.

I saw Powter’s face in a crowded place,

So I ran right up to you.

But it was Usher, the annoying smoo.

 

La, la, la, la, smooo,

Smoo, smoo, smooo, smooo, smooo,

Schmeh…

 

You’re useless, I’m useless.

It’s useless, it’s true

There must be a record producer with a grimace on his face,

When they thought I should write and sing another song,

But it’s time to face the truth,

…I need a final line.

 

Has this guy gone completely mad now? He placed 24 up on his blog 40 days ago and now its 10, he must be absolutely bonkers.

To be frank, yes you’re right, but then what can 10 possibly mean to me on today of all days? Perhaps I had my feet measured the other day and for the first time they came out as being size 10 – Nah, that’s not true, I’ve been a size 10 shoe for a while now so it’ not that!

Perhaps it’s your mental age’s birthday, you’ve finally progressed into double figures in your head – well I’m afraid you’re wrong on that account as well, as I’m a perpetual 8, always have been and always will be.

So what can this 10 mean? Well ok, I’ll give you a clue; it is a number of years. So what could have occurred on this non descript Thursday back in 1996? Not the start of Euro 96, that wasn’t for another few days, not even at the start of the week, so what could it all be about.

Well, if you know me, you’ll know, and if you don’t then I’m not about to tell you. Now, aren’t I mean for writing all this and then now saying.

Anyway, congratulations Ed for making it to 10, here’s a big 10 for you!

(This blog entry was written for Ed by Ed.  Contributions to this entry were supplied by Ed.  Any donations you want to give Ed should be made out to Ed.  This entry can be read by Ed and anyone else for that matter.  No gown wearing was required for the writing of this blog!)

Keep on blogging!

So here it is...

Yep, that's right: Butthole Lane is on the Pubic Byway. Oooooh, I just couldn't resist taking this photo and especially as some joker had taken the time and effort to remove the 'l' from public!

And just in case you thought I might have been making up the whole story about finding a road called Butthole Lane I thought it was appropriate to take the same photo, but this time with me in it...just so then you know I'm not lying about this one!

Ahhh, me in full gown and cap.  You don't half get hot and sweaty cycling around in this gear!

Keep on blogging.

And this is just so that I remember how old I am. Perhaps one day I'll stop acting my shoe size and start acting my age...but that day is not quite yet!

Keep on blogging.

1. Keep a daily journal of your life.

Now, I could do that, but if I did I'd have to start lying just to jazz my life up a bit.  Come on, currently sitting in an office trying to decipher someone else's VC++ code isn't exactly my idea, or for that matter anyone else's idea of fun.  So perhaps it's a good idea I don't keep a daily journal of my life, well, not for the moment anyway!

2. Post a quote du jour.

I posted a quote du jour once before, and the second time my hat blew off.  I didn't get to where I am today by posting quote du jours.

3. Document your daily successes.

Hahaha, really?  Perhaps not.  Maybe monthly, or even yearly sucesses?  Onto 4...

4. List your goals.

Complete this list of things to do for my blog

5. Describe a recent adventure.

Hmmm, an adventure...have you read the other entries in my blog?  They're all of all my adventures.  All of these adventures are of course true, and their legitimacy can be verified by an independent adjudicator.  Honest guv'nor.

6. Compliment a friend.

Friends: you're all great, have a hug on me.

7. Write a restaurant review.

I think the last place I went to was the local Pizzeria.  Superb pizzas in all respects, but not really a restaurant.

8. Detail a recent date.

23/03/2006 - Ooooh that's today, what a profound date in so many ways.

9. List your favourite hang outs.

Favourite hang outs?  Hey - the pub, that's always a good place to start.

10. Share a poem of yours.

So now I've actually got to write a poem?  Yeah sure, why not, but there's a fat chance I'm going to share it with the world!

11. Offer tips in your area of expertise.

Does anyone really want to know anything about Digital Particle Image Velocimetry?  Or even know what those words mean?  Tell you what, let me write my thesis and if toy really want me to offer you tips on my area then I will, of course for a fee!

12. Wirte about your favourite hobby.

Would you really like me to write about my tellyvisualification processes? (Otherwise known as TV watching, just thought I should jazz that up a bit!)

13. Describe a class you're taking.

Like the area of expertise, I wouldn't want to subject the world to it just in case.

14. Review a movie.

ConAir: What a con.  Why on earth won't that plane stop when it's crashed?

15. Gossip about celebrities, co-workers, or friends.

Have you heard the one about Bob?  No?  Oh well, I'm sure you'll get to hear about it soon enough.

16. Outline your diet and exercise plan.

Eat, drink and be merry.  It works for me every time!

17. Share interesting bits of information.

If you want interesting bits of information then there is always Google.

18. Rate a book you've read.

Please see the list of books I've read down at the bottom of my page.

19. Describe your dreams.

Funny this: I can't actually remember any of my dreams I ever have!

20. Write an editorial about a current event.

Please see my blog.

21. Ask questions of other bloggers.

Have you read this far?  Well done if you have!

22. Share jokes and funny stories.

I refer you to my  blog once again!

23. Describe a project you're working on.

Hahaha, I don't think I should do that.  I live in fear of people keeling over in pain through the shear boredom I would inflict on them when I start talking about the work I do.  I started to describe what I did over Christmas to some of my mates; they glazed over in shear confuslement.  Two are still receiving hospital treatment.

24. Tell heart-warming pet stories.

What the..?

25. Offer dating or parenting advice.

Parental dating in not usual.

26. Write a short story.

Please see some of my other blogs.

27. Speculate about the direction of the stock market.

A useful tip here about what might happen.  The stock market may go up or down.  Now, I'm no Mystic Meg, but I think that's a good guess...For my next trick: this week's winning lottery numbers.

28. Highlight your favourite clothing stores.

Nah, I'm sure you know where's good to shop so there is no need for me to share my advice with you!

29. Share a mouth-watering recipe.

I refer you to Snickers Pie.  Not for the light hearted.

30. Post a photo of the day.

I post photos all the time.  They may not have any relevance to the day's events, and they may have all been doctored, but hey, what the hey, they're all pictures!

31. Share twenty things others should know about you.

I've gone one better than that. I have a list of (potentially) 101 things about me.  Sadly it currently stands at only two things as it's compiled by other bloggers and I've been neglecting my Pingu dancing before bedtime routine as well.

Yay finished!

Keep on blogging!

Wow, I really haven't updated in a while, but not to worry my intrepid followers; I have been busy.

I went on a little excursion for a month and a bit; to Everest indeed, but I'm back now so no need to worry!

Sadly I forgot to take my camara with me, it had something to do with the extra weight would slow me down... so this is the best shot I have.  It was taken by one of the Sherpas none the less.  At least it was a nice day when I got up top!  There were these guys doing a bit of scientific research when I got there so I didn't stay too long, after all it was a tad nippy in my cap and gown.

Where to next? Who knows, I sure don't!

Keep on blogging.

Now this one is for all you slimmers out there, or people with salubrious tendencies: yes it’s Snickers Pie!

This gluttonous extravaganza was recently in the news as possibly being the unhealthiest puddings of all time.  This of course intrigued me as I wondered what all the fuss and bother was about.

Searching through the bbc website I found the article relating to Snickers Pie only to find that it was made by Wozza on The Saturday Kitchen about two years ago.  So, if this pie was shown on the TV about two years ago why has it taken the food commission two years to tell us all how bad it is?  Maybe it’s because the commission were running a study on the other infamous pudding: Death by Chocolate at the same time, and taking its name a little too lightly as they weren’t envisaging a pudding that could, in effect, kill you, let alone two puddings that could kill a man in a few mouthfuls.  Makes you wonder, doesn’t it!  Perhaps it’s taken all this time for the original guys who were doing the study to recover from the massive heart attacks they suffered when just eating too much pie.

At 1250 calories per slice – equivalent to 22 teaspoons of fat and 11 teaspoons of sugar per serving - it’s not really for the fainted hearted, or for that matter, after eating a slice, for anyone with a heart!

I for one have never had Snickers Pie, this probably has something to do with me knowing that peanut and chocolate don’t really go very well together, but I was intrigued to know what the ingredients were in this pie.  Following through this article I read:

“…The recipe had also been on the BBC Food website, though the link to the page does not currently work.”

“Bugger” I thought, “I’ll never be able to find out what’s in this recipe…oooh, hmmm, ahhh, wait a minute, wait a cotton picking minute...” (I really don’t know why I think in cotton picking minutes, or for that matter what cotton picking minutes are, but the thought process continued) “...search for it on Google!” So that is what I did…

Snickers Pie*

Serves 4. Preparation time less than 30 minutes. Cooking time 30 minutes to one hour.

Ingredients

1 packet puff pastry
140g/5oz mascarpone
110g/4oz soft cheese
50g/2oz caster sugar
3 eggs
5 Snickers bars, chopped

Method

·        Preheat oven to 200C/400/Gas 6

·        Roll pastry to 3-4mm thick and use to line a 20cm/8in fluted tart tin

·        Beat the mascarpone, soft cheese and sugar together in a large bowl, until smooth

·        Beat in eggs, one at a time.

·        Add the Snickers bars and fold in

·        Pour into lined tart tin, and spread to the edges

·        Place in the oven for 10 minutes, then lower to 180C/350/Gas 4 for a further 25 minutes until golden and set.

·        Allow to cool before serving.

The Daily Mail has got some uses after all..! (I found the recipe from there!)

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, in a cold sweat, wondering what ever happened to the children’s BBC presenter that is Andy Crane?  No?  Either have I, but I’d thought I’d ask!

Those of you from the North West will of course know what Andy is currently up to, that is provided you listen to Century FM from between 10pm until 1am.  For those of you who don’t know, he’s working as a presenter on a show called Love Lines, a show dedicated to relationship dilemmas.

So a guy that used to talk to a puppet duck with a squeak for a voice (of course that would be Edd the Duck!) is now presenting a radio phone in discussing other people’s relationship problems, interesting to say the least!

You could say I’ve found the owner of the missing brain as shown in my previous bloggings. 

How many people out there remember a pop group called Tribes of Toff?  Please don’t shout all at once, ok the silence is deafening.  They sang the song: John Kettley is a Weatherman back in 1988 which reached number 21 in the chart.  The catchy little song included the memorable lines:

"John Kettley is a weatherman

A weatherman, a weatherman

John Kettley is a weatherman

And so is Michael Fish..."

And also had the legendary line:

            "Andy Crane has got no brain."

They released the song on the week that Andy was going to present Top of The Pops

Back in 1988, at the tender age of six I seem to remember how true those lyrics were and since I thought about doing this tribute I’ve done a Google search and I found an interview done between the website On the telly and Andy Crane.  In the interview Andy says:

“…It's a great song [John Kettley is a Weatherman], and every word of it is true…”

And I have to agree with the guy.

So now you know what happened to Andy Crane, I leave you with some pictures of Andy in his early children’s TV age.  I think you’ll agree with me that one of then is a splitting image of the boys from Bros.

• Press play to listen to the greatness that is Tribes of Toff - John Kettley is a Weatherman!

Oh and before I forget, visit Andy's homepage.  It's currently being developed, but it should be good when it's done.

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What a mullet!

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Andy auditions to be a bros brother.

Keep on blogging.

Manuel: he knew nothing, he was from Barcelona.

George W: What does he know?

A missing brain...who's is it?

Keep on blogging.